Jeez, I barely get to accept that I have depression when the Wizard and the Oracle concure, "Bipolar". My gut feel is that they're both wrong. I'm not well, yes. I'm depressed, yah. But I'm not bipolar. Am I?
Their diagnosis actually causes me more anxiety.
They explain to me how you commonly find two types of depression. The kind I thought I had, triggered by a traumatic or stressful event. Then there's the other kind, clinical depression, an illness.
An illness. I think about that some, in relation to serious illnesses like cancer. Would one consider depression as cancer of the personality?
I feel my personality eroding some days. My identity so undefined, I don't know my own likes or dislikes, find myself incapable of making decisions. Are all these little issues related?
Will a prescribed pill help me find my will to live? I've been pretty listless and lifeless of late. Lost my muchness is seems.
Gotta go Google this bipolar business. I think I've been misdiagnosed. I'm not even sure I buy the clinical depression thing. I'm depressed cos assholes in my past sucked all the happiness and goodness out of my soul when I was merely a child. They forcefully ripped out my innocence and filled me up with bitterness and perversion. I have depression from the strain of shame, from a filthy secret I've borne for too long.
I'm not bipolar.
Mind you, I'm not rejecting the diagnosis because I'm offended by the suggestion. Not at all. I feel the condition is serious and should be shown the respect it deserves. Not carelessly thrown around like it's the next cool thing to have.
I suffer from low self esteem, a non-existent sense of self worth, and anxiety. I'm not bipolar.
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