Toady is one of those empty days when the loneliness is almost unbearable. I thought I had come to terms with it, gotten used to it. But for the briefest time I had distraction.  I allowed a wonderful man to reawaken sleeping yearnings. To revive fantasies. I got to live happily, though not ever after. 

Sitting in the park willing the breeze to blow away the pain. Praying it blows away the passion.

I try hard to narrow my focus once again and make my children my whole world. Their happiness is my happiness. And I need nothing else. 

Few times this week I tried reaching out to him, their father. Fruitless. I tried hugging him yesterday. An occurance so out of the ordinary that the children found it awkward. At least he and I laughed about their reactions. He used the laughter to remove himself from my embrace. 

And the wonderful man I mentioned, if he reads this I hope he understands that I'm not sad or angry. I'm honestly thrilled to have him in my life. I wish he  knew just how wonderful he is. Friend for the next 40 years? 

His demons are delightful and it's been a pleasure playing with them. 

Sitting in the breeze did help. Helped me realise that he didn't break my heart. He just reminded me what it should be used for. 

Thanks Love....