A muted ache

A muted ache and a confused heaviness. That's what I feel. 

Trying to decide if the reason I'm not crippled by pain is because I don't really believe the signs, or because I've been desensitised. Been hurt so deeply so often that I barely flinch these days when he brutally grabs and rips at my heart. I hardly have tears left to shed.
These a measure of anger at being so publicly humiliated. But thankfully the Lord has numbed me somewhat so that the heartbreak no longer stops by breathing. No longer brings me to my knees.
It's no answer though.
I need to move on.
He fools me into thinking all is fine.
All is not fine and I don't think it could ever be again.