I know I'm being really stupid right now for allowing myself to be affected. I should know by now that popping my bubble and pissing on my parade is a reflex to him. And I'm sure when he says he's just trying to keep it real he believes it too.
I guess he also believes in being cruel to be kind. When it comes to me anyways.
End result is he's only ever cruel to me. Criss crossing between criticising and mocking me. All for my own good I'm sure.
And then I'm always amazed at his capacity for kindness with others. Other women more specifically. Ever motivational, inspirational and understanding. Accommodating, helpful and supportive.
I turn away not wanting him to see the single tear that escapes down my cheek for fear of further ridicule.
I'm almost angry with myself for being foolish enough to attempt conversation.
Against my better judgement, I ignored the instinct of self preservation. I made a gesture.
Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
You deserve what you got.
So suck it up and shut up.
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